A baptism...a true conversion story

I served my mission in Madrid, Spain...but the truth is I don't really like saying it out loud. I don't know I just never felt like I was that great of a missionary. I never learned the discussion and what I did learn of the language went and left as soon as I came home. I'm not trying to give an excuse I am just telling the truth. I think to learn the discussion you have to actually teach them and we did so little of that in Spain that I just never was able to really "learn" them, same goes with the language...it just never stuck.

I feel like I am a good member missionary and I do not fear speaking of the church or bringing it up with anyone. In most cases when people find out that I am LDS they are the ones that will bring up the questions, which opens the door to share the knowledge that I have. I guess I felt like that was my blessing of serving a mission, I would be a good member missionary. But, the truth is I NEVER have seen true conversion until NOW.

My husband, Zachariah B. Lorenzen is getting baptized to day and he is my true conversion story. I moved next door to Zac and Alexander August of 2007, but I don't think I actually met them until Sept. 2007. I immediately felt this spiritual pull towards Alexander and I fell in love. Through out the year I just wanted to be part of Alexander's life, but to be part of his life meant that I needed to be part of Zac's life too. The better friends we came the more discussion we had about "stuff", I usually left frustrated and irritated by Zac's way of thinking. I just remember coming home at times just praying for Zac and Alexander because I wanted the best for them. Slowly throughout the years things started changing and I could tell I was starting to like Zac. I tried to make up excuses on why I would feel this way for a guy that had nothing in common with me. We were so different in sooooo many many ways, and yet we had moments where we were a like and it just seemed to work for us. It was Last December 2008 when things really started changing for us.

Then by some MIRACLE in March of 2008 Zac confessed his love and the ball started rolling. I knew that by being involved with Zac I would be giving up a Temple marriage and all the blessings that come from having a husband that is a Priesthood holder in my home. Yet, their was something inside of me telling me not to worry and that things would work out. I never felt doubt only peace and when I knew we were getting married it was always peaceful. The only time I got confused or lost the peace inside is when I would speak to some that were concerned and ask questions. NOT that I am blaming them, but if anything it helped me know that I was going in the right direction because the peace would always come back when I was with Zac. Looking back I realize that everything and every person had to play it's role to help me know what I was doing. It was like I felt this pull towards something of the unknown and it was scary especially to be taking such a big step as this but it just felt right.

From the moment Zac and I started talking about marriage I wrote down a list of things that I needed from him if we were going to get married. I had decided that these were "deal breakers" and that is what Zac and I would often call them. They were things like

-I need you to lead the Family prayers and meal times

-I need to be able to have Family Home Evening, preferably on Monday night.

-I need you to be willing to pay 10% of your income to tithing etc.

Looking back I laugh because I basically had him living a "Mormon" life. Zac and I spoke about our children and that they would be raised LDS, but I needed him to understand what that was like and to understand our beliefs because so much of it is my life. It was only for him to understand, but of course I was hoping for more. We started the discussion with our Ward assigned Sister Missionaries, Zac liked having Sister Missionaries he said he could listen to them better and not tune them out.

The discussion started out just with him wanting to understand but the spirit was teaching him so much more. Zac had decided on his own that he would come to church with Alexander and I early on. I think at first he just wanted to know what Alexander was going to be going to, then I think he went because he didn't want me sitting alone, but then...well...then I think he really started to like it and their was something more and he felt it.

On Sunday the Sunday School teacher asked him what played a role in him getting baptized and he said, "it wasn't just one person or thing, it was a bunch of people and they all just came together". I was so proud of him, because so many people have played a role in Zac feeling the desire to be baptized. It never is just one person, it's always the "whole" and its puzzle pieces that make it the picture.

To me Zac will always be a true conversion story, not because he fell in love with a Mormon girl. I know Zac I know that he loves me but he would not and does not give up anything lightly. As much as he loves me, he really enjoyed a beer when he came home from fishing. As much as he loves me, he really had to find his own way of breaking down what he thought "was truth" and let in real truth . It hasn't been easy for him. He went from not knowing if their is a God to maybe someone to something as a higher being, to their is a God, and he knows who I am. He's still trying to figure it all out, but then again we are a religion of always learning. The Sister missionaries came over the other night and asked him what made him change his mind about getting baptized. His response, "I just realized that I had learned all I was going to learn, unless I got baptized".

I am not trying to be a "I told you so..." . I'm just saying in a peaceful soul...."I knew". The spirit had come to me so many times and gave me affirmation that this would happen. In the beginning it was about getting married then after it was that he would join before the new year...it just kept coming to me. Yet, at times I really wondered and I doubted but again after the doubt was always the peace.

When I was little I never would have imaged that I would see what true conversion is in my own husband. But this is what I know for sure and everything thing inside of me testifies of this truth. We have a loving Heavenly Father that has a plan for us. It's called the Plan of Salvation, and I know that from the beginning of time we have been ordained of God. I know that he loves us as individuals and we each have our own path and he will give us our greatest desire in his own time for a reason.

Zac loves me but he is not joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of me, it would be too much to ask of anyone. Besides, he told me "I am not getting baptized for you!" He is getting baptized today because he knows that what he was taught and what he has learned is true. I just happen to be a benefit to that truth. :)

Last night as we went to sleep I had an impression that generations were being effected by his decision to be baptized. It was as if I felt a peaceful cheer of this generation in my heart, and I knew it to be true. I turned over and told Zac, and he said "probably".

Our missionaries

The sisters in Pink and Red were the ones with us most of the way, and we love them!

Alexander and my "loves"...Zac... :)